


Night Moves

by WaywardAF67



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe- No Supernatural, Dean Winchester's Journal, Hopeful Ending, Light Angst, M/M, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-18
Updated: 2017-03-18
Packaged: 2018-10-07 10:51:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10358766
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WaywardAF67/pseuds/WaywardAF67
Summary: Dean can't get back to sleep after being awakened by a storm. With the memories of a past love flooding his mind, he decides to make a journal entry.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This story is based on the song "Night Moves" by Bob Seger. 
> 
> Dean is an adult, but has flash backs to when he was 18 and Cas was 17. Sexual content implied, but never described. 
> 
> Dedicated to my inspiration: my Mega Coven.

 

9/5/2015

I can’t sleep. I woke tonight to the sound of thunder. I wonder how far off? I haven’t waited for the thunder in years. Probably not since, yeah, not since that night in the car. I can hear the melody so clear in my mind, and couldn’t help but hum along. Ray Charles’ cover of “I can’t stop loving you,” from 1962. Not my favorite year for music, but damn I loved that song.  It was on the radio every hour. I spent so many hours in the Impala that summer he turned 17. So many hours in the car with Cas.

I wonder where he is now? Everything was so easy back then. No job, no mortgage, no failed marriage. Just a boy who was a little too tall and awkwardly thin, falling in love with an equally awkward tall skinny boy. Had I known back then that Sam would grow to be 4 inches taller than me, I might have been a little more comfortable being the tallest kid in school. It’s crazy how after all these years, Cas can still invade my mind. We were just young, restless, and bored. Experimenting with each other. Using one another to get our share. When had it turned into so much more?

 

_“Cas, wait up.”_

_“Dean? What’s up?”_

_“Hey, I just wanted to see if you wanted a ride home. Sam got a ride home from that girl Jess. You know the ones he’s been obsessed with? So it’s just us today. Maybe we can go hang out in the woods for a while?”_

 

Wow. How lame was I? Hang out in the woods. It’s not like Cas didn’t know what I was asking. We snuck away every chance we could. But we always seemed to come back to those woods. It’s like it meant more to us because that was the first place it had happened. God, I was so scared. It’s not every day you decided you want to make out with your neighbor. I had suspected Cas was gay. I also figured he had a crush on me. But looking back I think I was projecting. I can’t remember any signs other than the stareing. Surely that wasn’t all there was? Damn, that could have gone so bad if I was wrong... but I wasn’t. He was so eager. I had never been with a guy before, but I had gotten pretty far with a few girls in the back seat of the Impala. I expected, with my experience, and his lack thereof, that I would take the lead… but I was wrong. He showed me so much. I was trying to work out a mystery without any clues, but Cas... it was like he held the answer the whole time. It still puzzles me on how he knew so much. He was so… I don’t know virginal. Up until the first kiss, then all bets were off. It was like he became a new man. Or shit, maybe just becoming a man changed him.

 

_“Cas, whoa. We don’t have to finish this tonight. We can just take it slow. We have all summer.”_

_“Dean, I have wanted to do this since I first understood what an erection was. If I wait any longer to have you, my balls are going to explode. Now get your fucking pants off.”_

_“Such a romantic.”_

_“When I was 13 Dean, you left your curtain open. I saw you through my window. You and your Busty Asian Beauties magazine. I didn’t watch, but pulling my eyes away from you was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I’ve had that image burned into my brain for the past 4 years. I believe I have waited long enough. If you want to stop, we’ll stop. But if you don’t. Pants. Off. Now.”_   

 

He was so demanding. I never would have imagined he could be so adventurous. I thought we might make out a few times. Maybe before the end of summer, exchange a hand job or something. I never imagined to spend my entire summer learning his body. Learning how to please and be pleased by a man. The back seat of my ’67 Impala became our safe haven. There were those few times in the back room and that time in the alley. But none more than the trusty woods. Just a 10 minute drive past the corn fields and we would reach our spot, alone and hungry.  

Maybe sitting here alone in the dark remembering the black haired beauty with big blue eyes isn’t doing me any favors. But it’s been so long since I have thought about him. I wonder if he ever thinks of me. It’s not like a guy often forgets his first. Things could have been so different. I graduated and was headed off to KU in the fall. He still had a year of high school left. There was no way to make it work, but I often wish I would have tried. I never even asked him if he wanted to try. I think I knew though. I think we both hid our love because we were smart enough to know that love isn’t always enough.

 

_“Cas, um… when I come home for Christmas do you think it will be okay if I stop by and hang out. I mean we don’t have to ‘hang out’ we can just actually hang out. No pressure or anything.”_

_“Yeah Dean, I would like that. But you know you don’t have to. A lot can happen between now and Christmas. Let’s just enjoy the rest of our summer, yeah?”_

 

My feelings were so hurt when he acted like he didn’t want to see me for Christmas. I thought I was nothing more than an experience to him. It never once occurred to me that it had nothing to do with me. Maybe he just didn’t want to get his hopes up. I am sure he just thought I was using him as an experiment. I had a reputation. Dean Winchester, ladies’ man extraordinaire. Only, most of that shit was rumors. I didn’t sleep with even half the girls that claimed to have fucked me. It’s not like an 18 year old guy is going to argue against it, but Cas knew. That’s what was important to me at the time.

There was more than sex that summer. Sure sex was most of it. Hell, the sex was 90% of it. But there was also talking and God help me, cuddling. Not right away though. I think Cas was worried he was going to scare me off at first. Like some skittish kitten. But after a few times out in the woods, he started to show more emotion. Lingering touches, a sweet kiss on the cheek, and hand holding. Yet, we both still pretended that it was nothing more than sex. We were using each other, neither one cared. Living by the sword as the saying goes. I wonder now if I would have spoken up if we could have made it? I wonder if I told him that I wanted to keep seeing him if I would have married him instead of Lisa? I wonder if we tried and if it failed, would I have been able to date other men?

I can’t believe I am sitting here at 4am pouring my guts out to a dim computer screen, but I never did tell Sam. I think he may have known. He never said anything. He wouldn’t. He’s too open minded for that. He was around us all the time, though. The later it got into the summer, the less we cared. We were not hiding anything. It was just something we kept to ourselves. So if Cas’ touch lingered, or his smile was too sweet to be platonic, Sam never mentioned it. I thought about telling him though.

There had been that one drunken night during Christmas break when I snuck some of dads booze and got trashed. Cas was gone for the break. Staying with his aunt doing some stupid internship. I was so mad. I didn’t understand why that internship was more important than me coming home to be with him. What an idiot I was.

I was about 4 shots in when Sam told me that Cas wanted him to tell me ‘Hello, Dean.’ He even did his stupid impression of Cas. It was so spot on, I was in danger of begging my brother to talk like him for the rest of the night.

Sammy told me about how Cas tried so hard to get out of the internship. Did everything he could. That made me feel a little better, but I was still heartbroken.

Then there was that time after his bachelor party. Jess kept hounding me all day to take Lisa out. ‘She pretty Dean, you’ll like her Dean’. Too bad Jess didn’t know that one day she would punch Lisa in the face, for calling me ‘some kind of homo’ when I admitted I had a crush on that dude from Arrow. I don’t know how Jess knew, but she did. She would always bring it up in passing. I never dated any other guy after Cas, but I wasn’t dead. I still looked, and she always caught me. It would have been easy to tell them in that moment. Easy to say, ‘I'm destined for a life of nothing but one night stands’.

It never felt right to tell him though. How do you tell your little brother, the one who married his high school sweetheart, that every man you ever showed interest in couldn’t stack up to those ethereal blue eyes and raspy laugh.

I don’t care if Sam knows I am sorta into dudes, he probably already knows. It was just Cas I didn’t want to talk about. Nah, that’s not a conversation I want to have.

This night calls for some booze. Maybe I will be a little self-indulgent tonight. A glass of Makers, and some facebook stalking. Sounds about right for this time of the morning.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Alright computer, I am back. Not that you even knew I was gone. God, this is so stupid. I didn’t start keeping a digital journal to turn into a fucking 12 year old girl and gush about my crush.

But, I’ve come this far. I might as well tell you everything else now computer. I’ve had way more than 3 fingers of Maker’s Mark. I may be slightly buzzed, and holding off my facebook search. Castiel Novak isn’t exactly a common name, so I am sure I will find him right away. Do I want to though? What will I say? ‘Hey, remember the time we fell in love that one summer, but we were both too stupid to tell each other? Yeah good times right?’ Or maybe ‘Hello Castiel, I think you should know I have never been able to let another man touch me because they don’t do it as well as you. I ended up settling for a woman who was perfect on paper, but just didn’t fit into my life, nor I in hers. It was a bitter divorce, and she told me I wasn’t able to love, because I was hung up on someone else. I didn’t even know that someone else was you until I got drunk one night watching the lightning and waiting for the thunder. Remember waiting on the thunder Cas? When we were cuddling in the back seat and every time the lightning would flash we would count out loud until the thunder crashed overhead and then we burst out laughing? Remember my head on your chest, the backseat barely big enough for us. But you held me close to your body so I wouldn’t fall off the seat. Remember how safe I felt? Remember that being the most romantic thing I’ve ever experienced and could pinpoint that as the moment I fell in love with you. REMEMBER THAT, CAS?’

Okay, fuck. That would be awful if I sent that. Don’t send that!!!! He would think I was insane. Maybe self-indulgence wasn’t a good call. Now, not only am I sitting here at too early am remembering my one time lover, I am also about to cry. What the fuck is wrong with me? I don’t cry. I’m Dean-I-Don’t-Fucking-Cry-Winchester.

 

_“If you would stop wiggling, then you wouldn’t keep falling off the seat.”_

_“I’m sorry Cas, I’m just sticky and I don’t like it.”_

_“Well, Dean, you should have thought about that before you begged me to-“_

_“Screw you Cas, I didn’t beg.”_

_“No, screw you. That was the whole point, wasn’t it Sticky is just the price you have to pay. Now either go wash off in the rain, drive us home in this downpour, or shut up and let me hold you until this storm passes. Lightning, count!”_

_“One-one thousand, Two-one thousand, Three-one thousand, Four-one thousand, Five-one thousand, Six-one thousand, Seven-one thousand.”_

_“You’re such a girl, Cassandra.”_

_“Dean, your ridiculous stereotypes exhaust me. Guys saying that they just cuddle because girls want to is a bunch of shit. Males crave intimacy post orgasm as much as females do.  Most are just too stupid to admit it. I’m still baffled on how you have no problem taking a dick up the ass, but cuddling is too gay.”_

_“Geez, Cas. You can’t just say shit like that. I wanted to try it okay.”_

_“… and you liked it. Seems gayer than cuddling if you ask me.”_

_“Fuck Cas, fine. I will cuddle with you.”_

_“You are already cuddling with me Dean. Don’t pretend you are doing this for me. I know how much you like my arms around you. It’s okay. Even if you decide you don’t like dick anymore, cuddling will always be okay.”_

 

Funny, I still like cuddling, but haven’t touched another dick since him. Would that be irony? I am going to hate myself when I read this in the morning. Maybe I will just delete it all. It’s not like I have that much to lose. Just the memories of my first love.

I’m way too fucking drunk for this!

Here I go. I am searching him.

Holy shit. Look at him! How the fuck did he get so hot. He isn’t some skinny twink anymore.

 

 

This was a bad idea. I shouldn’t have looked him up. I’m too drunk, and too lonely. But for fuck sake we were friends our whole lives. Why can’t I request him and say hello.

Fuck it computer, I’m doing it.

Shit! Shit! Shit! He accepted my request. Why the fuck is he up at- wait how is it already 7am?

 

 

**_(Facebook Messenger between Dean and Cas)_ **

 

 **_Dean Winchester_ ** _: Hey Cas. I hope you remember me. I came across your profile and just wanted to say Hi. How have you been?_

 **_Castiel Novak_ ** _: Hello, Dean. Of course I remember you I have been doing well. How about yourself?_

 **_Dean Winchester_ ** _: I am doing well. I didn’t realize it was early. Sorry if I woke you._

 **_Castiel Novak_ ** _: You did not wake me. I just got back from a run. Are you not usually up this early?_

 **_Dean Winchester_ ** _: Hell no! You know me Cas, I am not a morning person._

 **_Castiel Novak_ ** _: Ha, yes I do Dean. I fondly remember much you hate mornings._

 **_Castiel Novak_ ** _: I hope it’s not strange, but I have missed you._

 **_Dean Winchester_ ** _: No Cas. It’s not weird at all. I have miss you too._

 **_Dean Winchester_ ** _: Where do you live now? Did you move away?_

 **_Castiel Novak:_ ** _I spent some time away from home, but I have recently returned. Are you still here?_

 **_Dean Winchester_ ** _: Yeah. I am still here. Um…_

 **_Castiel Novak_ ** _: Yeah, Dean?_

 **_Dean Winchester_ ** _: Do you maybe want to get together. Have dinner maybe? I have no idea you were in town again. It’s okay if you don’t. It might be weird. We haven’t talked in so long. But…_

 **_Castiel Novak_ ** _: I would actually love to get together. I have to get ready to leave for work. Can I text you this evening to set up a date? I would love to hang out._

 

Hang out? No. Surely he doesn’t mean ‘hang out’. But that’s what we always called it. There is no way after all this time he could still want to ‘hang out’.

Oh shit, computer. He’s texting me. Okay. I am going to end this here, and see what happens.

  


9/9/2015

He meant ‘Hang out’.... We have a second date next week.

 


End file.
